I have finished my first year of medical school. It FLEW by and allegedlly it gets easier from here. I don't know about that but I'm happy to be done. Happy because I'm going to Ecuador to do something helpful (instead of just learning how to be helpful one day) and after Ecuador I'm going to Detroit to do a month long program in Urban health disparities. I'm excited about learning the different things that you can't read about when it comes to trying to make the world a more healthy and equitable place.
I feel bad that my life has been run over by medicine. Like can I still have a good conversation about constructionism, or about the way to tell the differnce between chinese and indian buddah statues? Can I still write a poem? I mean its only been a year but still, it's like medical knowledge is pushing everything else out. I can't remember things I never thought I'd forget, even though my brain has already decided that those details are minor. I guess everyone has to sacrafice in order to move to the next level. I can't be everything I want to be right now. Especially when the path I've chosen is a billion pages of infomation that I have to at least try my hardest to know as much as I can. But medicine in itself is intriguing and ther are many edges to it. Not just medicine, but dealing with human beings human emotions human illogic and logic. Learning health care systems and health care politics, learningin health economics and business. Learning how to work with others who are investing thier educations into health like therapists of all sorts and communitiy groups like AA, and education and the ways to translate education into health behavior.
I'm still trying to find my niche. I would like to learn development like how to build communities, but I also want to dabble is some aspects of public health though bioterrorism and preparedness, I could care less about; sorry people are dying in droves from economic terrorism and corruption not so much from anthrax.
Its been fun though. I remember when I was set on being a surgeon for like 5 months. I'm sure that that dream hasn't completly died but I think there is something closer to the roots for me. A little less clear cut but made for the poor people I want to work with. I still don't know how that's going to work considereing the fact that I allegedly have to make money in order to live. It'll all work out, though I probably won't be making real money. I just hope I make enough to vacation. I just hope that there is a person who can be there with me in life. My latest philosophical question is whether or not it's ok to sacrafice a social life for a occupation like medicine where your intentions are the purest. I used to think it was a little questionable that business man/woman X decided their work was more important than raising their kids blah blah. I've always wanted to provide my little seeds (well to have them first) with as much mom time as they needed to be good people. How am I supposed to know that?! Maybe I shouldn't want children... I mean I don't think I'm having any kids anytime in any kind of fathomable future but still. I can always adopt teenagers which is sort of a secret desire of mine. And what kind of man whould I need to be with in order to live the kind of life that I am setting myself up for. Which also throws in a wrench because it's more than a dream now, now it's steps its a matter of taking them and I will probably get to point B.
One year down means its really real. I'm gonna be a doctor! (God Willing)
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